Changing our route

Today Frida had an appointment for a more extensive check up, as we are just hitting the 6th month after her surgery. It didn’t start good when the scale revealed that she had lost around 2 pounds, that’s almost 850 grams. However, weight can be tricky, and I wanted to stayoptimistic.  I say I wanted, but I had known for some weeks that something had changed. Frida is sleeping a little bit more, she’s getting tired more easily and she prefers short walks and to go back home.  There’s blood work pending, but the X-rays confirmed my fears.  The vet told us there’s a “lesion” in her lungs, that corresponds to metastasis. Fortunately, the location of this lesion is not creating any breathing problems now, and it can stay like that for some time, we don’t know how long. That’s as far as X-rays can tell.  The other option would be an ultrasound, but at this point it doesn’t matter if there’s more or less. The fact is that the metastasis has started.  Our vet will discuss with the oncologist the situation, and see if any changes in her current chemo protocol could help to give her some more time. Our situation has changed. Sadly I realized that we are hitting the timelines, the statistics. Sadly, our beloved dog will be another victim of histiocytic sarcoma, a victim of canine cancer. Frida is not anymore on remission, the cancer is back.

We knew this day would come. Today our journey takes a new direction, and sooner or later we will find ourselves at the end of our trip. The emotions are hitting, the roller coaster!  My promise to Frida is that I will do everything to protect her and to save her from any suffering. I have taken care of her since she was 7 weeks old, and I will continue to do that until the last minute of her life.  Today Mark and I have talked so much about the chunk of heart that will go with her when she dies. But as hard as it is, we are also determined to enjoy her energy, her happiness and all the joy that she brings to our life. In September we have already another trip planned, and we are so looking forward to it.

The memory of the shine, warmth, and happiness that sunshine brings to life stays forever with us. Frida is a sunshine, my little sunshine. We will make the most of our time together, and when the time comes I know that it will be OK to let her cross the rainbow bridge, and she will go just as she has lived: surrounded by our love.

“Dogs are angels sent from heaven in order to help us to be better people.”~ Robert Genn

Our Happy Place

We all have a happy place. It can be a mental state or a physical place.  Whatever the case is, it’s good for the mind, the soul and the body to visit that place from time to time.  For me a  happy place is Whistler, B.C.  I always feel relaxed, connected, reassured and peaceful when I’m there.  I don’t know if it’s the view of the mountains, the cold water of the lakes, the tall trees surrounding the paths or the charming village, but certainly for me, it’s a very happy place.  Maybe it is because I have fond memories of our Frida there.  Did I mention that Whistler is one the most pet-friendly places I have ever been to? That makes things easier for some of us, who like/ have to travel with the four legged family member.

So well, our family trip to Whistler happened a week ago. Of course, we left with all the expectation of the perfect trip, with Frida.  Once again, I was reminded that it’s good to have dreams and illusions, but not to rely totally on the expectation you have built in your mind.  Suddenly we realized that we were going to be there in the middle of a heat wave that was bringing temperatures of above 30 degrees (Celsius)  and Frida hates the hot weather. It’s overwhelming for her.  To make things worse, we tried to book a last minute appointment with a groomer, to try to help her a little bit, and guess what? Totally booked, no appointments available. And last but not least, the hot temperatures brought terrible wild fires, and Pemberton, the closest town to Whistler, was dealing with a wild fire.  We arrived to find Whistler surrounded by smoke! The first day we were there we all smelled like if we had been around a camp fire! The smoke created a fog like effect, so we could not see the mountains, the trees, or any of the things that usually are part of the landmark.  For a moment I thought:  Is this really happening? My dreamed trip with Mark and Frida, and it didn’t seem to be perfect!  But you know what? It was perfect!

The temperature didn’t seem as hot as we had thought. Everyday we went to the lake, and yes, there was some smoke, but as the days went by it started to get better. Frida was so happy, she played with her ball all day, she guarded our “territory” perfectly, and she was confident fetching sticks from the water (of course, if she’s touching bottom!) We had wonderful breakfast , delicious picnics by the lake, nice walks in the evenings  and I felt really blessed.  We were able to make it to our summer trip. Our summer week at Whistler was perfect, because the three of us were there. Because Frida recovered from her surgery and has responded very well to her treatment, happily reporting that she’s been on remission for 5 months!

Yes, we were in our happy place and we are now living a happy moment: Frida is OK.  We are embracing it, and trying to make every minute count.  The perfection of a moment is not the dream we build in our head. Sometimes that dream only creates frustration. The perfection of a moment  is being able to enjoy the now, the day, the moment just as it comes, knowing that our fondest memories are built by each moment we cherish.

“It’s great to reminisce about good memories of my past. It was enjoyable when it was today. So learning to enjoy today has two benefits: it gives me happiness right now, and it becomes a good memory later.” ~ George Foreman

A New Season Is Here

It seems that after almost a month of being so sick Frida has decided that she wants to make the most of her canine existence. She is active, perky, frisky, and full of energy!  This brings so much needed fresh air to our life, after being overwhelmed by all sort of bad news.  Every zoomie, every slipper stolen and every jump over the sofa brightens our heart.

This has been basically the first week of treatment.   Frida is feeling great.  Every second day she gets a gourmet breakfast: kibbles, two wet food balls (with the secret ingredients) and a spoon of pumpkin puree.  I think she looks forward to those days! She’s not showing any side effects, and even the response to the diuretic has been mild;  I thought she was going to need urgently to pee all day long, but that has not been the case.

So just as the spring is arriving, we are also starting a new season with Frida that will last as long as we can keep the cancer dormant.   Is this the calm before the storm?  It’s a very bitter sweet feeling. She is so alive and at the same time she’s carrying a fatal disease.  Sometimes I wonder: Did we get the right diagnosis?  And if there was a mistake? Is Frida going to beat the odds?  I’m embracing that ray of light, and I’m wishing,praying, that she will live longer than the statistics and doctors have predicted.

This journey has been all about living the moment.  Whenever I catch my thoughts wandering way long into the future, I stop and say out loud:  “That’s not happening now, today [and here I fill in our current situation, usually a very positive one]”  And I feel much better.  This journey has been about gratitude. Every night I thank God for letting her live one more day.

I’m happy to say that we have had a great week.  Thank you all for your support and love!

“Until one has loved an animal a part of one’s soul remains unawakened.”  – Anatole France

Before going for a walk

One day at a time

That sounds such a cliché, but it’s so real.  Since the surgery, we have been living like that. One day at a time. My mind rushes ahead, but then I see Frida, and I have to bring that crazy mind of mine back to the moment. It’s a difficult exercise, especially for someone like me, with an active mind (very catastrophic, at times).

Yesterday, after a very sad morning, Frida was just sleeping and looking depressed, we had a very nice evening.  I was getting ready for work upstairs, and Mark was in the kitchen, when Frida jumped from the sofa, and decided to go upstairs to look for me. Mark ran behind her, and she just jumped around us, and licked our faces, and let us know that she was feeling better, at least at that moment.  When I came back from work she was still active and perky! She even wanted to play a little bit with her new toy, a little white lamb, a gift from Alison, the clinic’s administrator, a true angel for us.

Tomorrow is a big day.  We are seeing the oncologist, Dr. Sarah Charney, at Boundary Bay Veterinary Specialty Hospital, in Langley, BC.

How do I feel today? I feel good, I feel strong. I have felt so much love an support from my friends and family, and I feel how my prayers help me. I feel surrounded by love. I feel God protecting us. But I also have fear.

Our good friend Chris sent me yesterday a link to a beautiful website ( Info and Links tab) and there I found this prayer:

God of healing,

please comfort and strengthen Frida during her illness.

Ease her fear and pain, and guide the vet and all caring for her,

that  she may recover fully.

Comfort us, too, God, that we may better care for Frida

and make decisions that are best for her.
Amen.